Stewie Griffin vs Eric Cartman
Stewie Griffin vs Eric Cartman is a What-If? Death Battle. Description Family Guy vs South Park, which evil mastermind kid who likes to inflict pain on others will win? Intro Wiz: Kids are notorious for annoying the living crap out of their parents. Boomstick: But sometimes, their annoyance can be cranked up to the point where they basically become demons. Wiz: Like Stewie Griffin, the smartest member of the Griffin family. Boomstick: And Eric Cartman, South Park's version of Hitler. For fairness sake, we're not including Stewie's Time Machine, because if we did, Stewie would win in five seconds. Anyway, He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle? Stewie Wiz: Stewie Griffin is an evil genius baby who lives with the Griffin family on Spooner Street. Despite being a baby, he's the smartest member of the entire family, able to create things like time machines and multiverse remotes in just a few minutes. Boomstick: He can do all of that but can't kill one woman, seriously? Wiz: He doesn't really try to kill Lois these days, which honestly made him less exciting. Boomstick: Well, Wiz, when you have crappy writers, anything can happen. Weapons and Abilities: *Laser gun *Shotgun *Grenades *Mind Control Device *Baseball Bat *Golf Club *Knife *Flamethrower *Bombs *Robot Walker *Rocket Launcher *Multiverse Remote Wiz: Stewie Griffin has many feats, like being able to beat up Brian very easily twice. He also was able to dodge Lois's gunfire, and he even defeated Penelope, who's basically a female version of him. He also has survived falling down the stairs and getting hit by laser blasts. Boomstick: As for weaknesses, Stewie is arrogant, his small stature makes him easy to throw around, and he can't handle Rupert getting hurt. What a sissy! Wiz: Boomstick, he's only a baby. Boomstick: He's more than just a baby, Wiz. All babies do is poop and cry, this baby builds time machines! Yeah, fuck you babies! Wiz: Ugh, let's just move on. Stewie: Victory is mine! Cartman Wiz: South Park is one of the most controversial shows of all time, and the main character of this show is Eric Cartman. Despite being the main character, he's not a nice guy. Scratch that, he's basically Hitler Jr. Boomstick: I mean, Satan himself is literally in this show and Cartman's more evil than him! Wiz: Cartman may appear fat and dumb, but he's actually very strong mentally and he's a master manipulator. He will not only break you physically, but break you mentally as well. There's very few cartoon characters as evil as Cartman. Abilities and Weapons: *Fire Farts *V-Chip (Gives him electric abilities whenever he curses) *Taser *Big Wheel (Tricycle) *Hammer *Weight Gain 4000 (Increases Cartman's attack power and also grants temporary invincibility) *Cheese Poofs (Restore 10% Health) *Snacky Cakes (Restores 100% Health) *Football Pads: Grants a 25% boost in health. Can double his health all together if he's wearing 4 *Lightening Bolts (Doubles fire rate) *Zipp! Cola (Doubles Cartman's speed for a few seconds) *Bear Mace (He fires a thick foam of mace that causes his enemy to become dizzy and vomit) *Baseball bat *Flute (He plays the Brown Noise, which causes people to poop immediately. If they listen to it for too long, they crap themselves to death.) *Nightstick *Cow Launcher (He fires a cow from his gun.) *Belly Barge (He uses his stomach to ram his enemy.) ◾Grand Wizard alter ego: *Tampon *Flame Strike (Pulls out hair spray and a lighter to use as a flamethrower) *Burning Cloud (A more powerful version of his fire fart.) *Curse (He fires non stop electricity at his enemy.) ◾The Coon alter ego: *Razor sharp claws. Boomstick: Cartman has achieved many feats, like surviving having a giant alien probe come out of his ass. His Belly Barge attack is strong enough to break walls, and he managed to make a kid eat a chili bowl made out of his parents, then brought in their favorite band to mock them. Wow, this kid sounds like some guy from Hannibal, not a comedy show! Wiz: While Cartman is very deadly, he's not perfect. His obesity makes him move slow, and he also has a small size. Also, he's not a good fighter, as shown when Kenny punched him once and he started crying like crazy. Or when he got his ass kicked by Wendy and Token. Boomstick: Who cares if you can fight when you can fart fire! I like this guy! Cartman: Screw you guys, I'm going home! Pre-Fight Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle! Fight In South Park, a flash of light appears. Coming out of the light was a football head baby named Stewie and his dog friend Brian. Brian: What universe are we in now? Stewie: I don't know, but one thing's for sure, this animation is terrible. Brian: It looks like a 3 year old made this in art class. Stewie: Well, time to go to the next universe. Suddenly, before Stewie can press the button, an electric bolt comes in and hits Brian, frying him to death. Stewie dodges the incoming lighting bolt and sees his attacker, who was none other than Eric Cartman. Stewie: What do you want, fatty? Cartman: Hey, I am not fat! Anyway, you and your dog friend are from that awful show Family Guy, so you must die! Stewie: Awful show? At least our animation isn't made out of paper! Cartman: Well, at least our jokes actually relate to the story, you unfunny pieces of shit! Stewie: That's it! I'm gonna kill you, fatass! Cartman and Stewie then enter fighting positions. Cartman begins the battle by charging at Stewie with a dagger in an attempt to stab him, but Stewie pulls out his own knife and parries. The two start swinging their knives at each other before Cartman disarms Stewie and punches the evil baby three times before using his Belly Barge, which sends Stewie flying. Stewie gets up and pulls out his laser gun and fires laser shots at Cartman. Eric uses his V-Chip to fire electricity back at the laser shots, which cancel each other right. Stewie: Impressive, but you're not ready for this! Stewie pulls out a flamethrower and fries Cartman, before using a dropkick to send Cartman flying. Cartman quickly gets up and sees Stewie running towards him with a golf club. Stewie swings his golf club at Cartman, smacking the fat kid in the face three times, knocking Eric down. Stewie then tries to hit him again, but Cartman pulls out his Nightstick and hits Stewie in the legs, tripping him. Cartman: Suck my balls, Stewie! Cartman drinks Zipp! Cola and charges at Stewie, rapidly punching him before ramming him into a wall. Stewie recovers fast and dodges Cartman's Belly Barge, and pulls out his shotgun and shoots Cartman three times. Stewie then pulls out a crossbow and fires arrows at Cartman, who dodges all the arrows and pulls out his Cow Launcher. With the Cow Launcher, Eric fires cows at Stewie, who proceeds to destroy them with his laser gun. Stewie then pulls out a rocket launcher and fires a missile at Eric, who gets hit and is launched backwards. Stewie runs after him and tries to punch Eric, but Eric slams Stewie into the ground and smashes him with his hammer, causing Stewie to start bleeding. Stewie: Jesus Christ, my head! Who the hell uses a god damn hammer! Cartman: Hey, you were using a golf club and a fucking flamethrower, don't give me that crap butt-shit! Cartman swings his hammer at Stewie again, but Stewie knocks Cartman back with a punch. Stewie punches Cartman a few more times before throwing another dropkick. However, Cartman catches Stewie by his leg and swings him around in circles before throwing him down. Cartman then tries to jump Stewie, only for Stewie to elbow him in the face and use a jumping kick to send Cartman down. Stewie then walks over to Cartman and aims his ray gun at his face. Stewie: Any last words before I blow you to bits? Cartman: Yes, I do. Stewie: What are they-oh shit, I just made a huge blunder, didn't I? Cartman: Respect my authoritah! Cartman performs a fire fart, which hits Stewie directly and causes him to start burning alive. Cartman then pulls out his knife and stabs Stewie six times, Stewie feels empty then gets his flamethrower making Cartman's body melt down Stewie burns Cartman's ashes too KO! Results Boomstick: Fox will bring him back, I just know it. Wiz: This battle may seem close at first, but in reality, it was an easy victory for Cartman. Stewie is stronger, but Cartman could counter out this advantage with his large amount of weaponry that would overwhelm Stewie very quickly. Boomstick: Cartman's Zipp Cola would give him the speed advantage over Stewie, and his Cheesy Puffs could heal his injuries while Stewie can't heal himself at all. Cartman was also way more crafty than Stewie, and he's the more consistent of the two as well. "But Wiz, what about Stewie's Multiverse Traveler?" Wiz: Stewie's Multiverse Remote can't really be used in combat since it just takes him to a different universe, meaning all it would do is take Stewie and Eric to a different universe. Stewie didn't really stand much of a chance in this fight. Boomstick: Looks like Stewie shouldn't have taken a stab at Cartman. Wiz: The winner is Stewie Griffin Category:'TV Shows' themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Adopted What-If? Death Battles Category:'Villain vs. Villain' Themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Companies Category:Colour Themed Death Battles Category:Hipper's new fights Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles under construction for 1 year Category:Death Battles under construction for 2 years Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles